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Chapter 3: Motherhood is a hard wonderful

blog Chapter 3

I'll admit that I was a bit naive about how motherhood would be. I always heard that it was both wonderful and hard, and I believed it, but it's something that you don't truly understand until you're in it. And now, I'm in it! 

The first few months are unique in their own; you're madly in love with your baby kinda like how you were madly in love with your husband shortly after you met him. It's a phase. Not that you don't still madly love your baby (or your husband), you do, of course, but it's different when you get several months in and your baby starts babbling back and becoming ever so defiant without even speaking a word of English. No longer do you have a sweet, tiny baby who merely sleeps 21 hours a day, cuddles with you whenever you want, and smiles every so often. Your baby becomes a tiny human with emotions, BIG emotions, who doesn't yet know how to convey or handle those emotions. Apparently it's YOUR job as MOM to figure out all of that for them, plus keep your own sanity and patience in check. It's kinda like trying to read your husband's mind when he doesn't really feel like talking, except at least you can nag him enough to get a few words out on the subject. If you continually ask your baby "what's wrong?!" you will be no better off unless and until your mommy instinct clicks in and happens to be correct. Otherwise, you're screwed, the baby's still upset, and you are none the wiser. It's really a constant guessing game, but you play enough baby black jack and you're bound to beat the house about 40% of the time (i.e. be right).

I can't neglect the wonderful part. Being a mom is sooo wonderful, albeit extremely hard. I wouldn't trade my baby or my new role as Mommy for anything in the world. Is it extremely hard to cook dinner every night because at that very moment each day she seems to simply want to be held? Yes. It's hard. But it's a wonderful feeling when she immediately calms down when I pick her up because she knows that I'm here, that I'm her Mommy, that I love her and I will do anything for her. She may not be able to say all that, but in my 40% I think that's what she's conveying. You know what else is wonderful? Yes, you already know. It's that quiet moment at the end of the day (or when their sick), when they finally settle down and will sit in your lap for a few moments. The best part is when they fall asleep on your chest. Looking at that sleeping angel in your arms is the absolute best part of your day, your life, and you'd do the hardest day all over again just to get that one moment. It always reminds me of that scripture that says how God admires us most when we're sleeping. It's so true. As my husband would say, 'you're so sweet when you're sleepy'. Whatever babe, I'm always sweet. 

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