I'll start with the good part, the end of this chapter. I have a baby and she is a beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl in every way. It was not easy, however, to get to this point. There were times when my husband and I wondered if a biological child would happen for us. We had losses. We had tears. We had anger.
But then we had hope, most importantly faith, and now we have our rainbow baby. We started trying to conceive about 2 1/2 years before I got pregnant with my daughter, Norah Belle.
I was diagnosed along our TTC (trying to conceive) journey with PCOS, a condition where I have cysts that frequently pop up on my ovaries and make ovulation and conception more difficult than for the average person. On top of that, I had been on the pill for about 5 years before we started trying, so it took my body awhile to adjust and become fertile again. (We had some other problems along the way, but I'll save that for another chapter). The first year was hard, and after 12 months some of the fun in "trying" started to dwindle. We had decided we wanted a baby and we didn't get pregnant right away like we'd hoped. So, we kept trying.
I'll save the heartache moments for another entry because to be completely honest with you, I don't want to open up that box just yet. I've dealt with it, but I need it to stay there for now, not on paper just yet. And like I said before, I'm jumping to the good part of this chapter, the end.
So early November 2014 I took a pregnancy test and BAM, it was a big, FAT positive!! I cried and couldn't wait to tell my husband, but of course he had gone in to work early that day so I had to wait. All day. I wanted to tell him in person. I wanted to tell him that it had worked.
No, we didn't have any special medication. We had tried using Clomid several months before with some success, if you can call it that, but this pregnancy was conceived completely naturally. But in our minds, there was definitely a bit of supernatural involved. The good kind, of course :) .
We had already prayed for a baby throughout our journey, both individually and together. We were serious. But we had to get really serious about it, and that's what we did. One day in October 2014, more than 2 years into our journey, my husband asked me if I was ready to start trying again. I said yes. He said he was, too.
We found couples in the bible that had difficulty becoming parents, and we found numerous scriptures on the topic. For seven days, we read a different scripture and read the Lord's prayer, taking communion each day and praying together for our child. We prayed for a perfectly healthy baby and pregnancy. We cried; we believed it would happen for us. Then we thanked God for answering our prayer, and we waited.
A week and a half later, I got my bfp, and there was no question about whether this pregnancy test was positive or not. It was POSITIVE! In a way I wasn't that shocked. We had laid it all out on the line and truly believed with our prayer, so I was quite expecting to turn up pregnant. But it was still a shock, because I had been expecting/hoping to become pregnant for every month before that for 2.5 years.
This time would be different, though. I couldn't fear what may happen. I couldn't shed tears for a "what if" scenario. No, this time would be different, and I knew it. I knew this was going to be our child. And after 9 months of a mostly healthy pregnancy, after 9 months of planning, talking to tummies, buying baby stuff, and saying "hurry up and come out here to meet us!!", we finally had our baby girl on July 17, 2015. When she was born, the first thing my husband said to me, with tears in his eyes, "she's perfect, she's perfect". And she was.
Our Belle was here. Our prayer was answered. Our faith confirmed forever in the existence our beautiful child. God heard our prayer, and He answered it.
'For this child, I have prayed.'
1 Samuel 1:27.